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One Line Wisdom
(Arranged alphabetically)
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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z |
Taft's Law: If "pro" is the opposite of "con." then "Progress" is the opposite of "Congress."
Take an astronaut to launch.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Teachers have class.
Teamwork is vital! (It gives you someone to blame.)
Technically sound, but socially impossible.
Teen-age prostitution: the problem is mounting!
Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.
Tested on small, cute, furry animals with big, sad eyes.
That shoe fits him like a glove.
That was Zen; this is Tao.
That's the kind of mind that waits for stop signs to turn green.
That's the story of my life...Trying to remember where I'm at.
The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
The agony of delete.
The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
The best antiques are old friends.
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best thing about dating a homeless person is that at the end of the date, you can drop them off anywhere.
The best things in life are for a fee.
The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.
The brain is a mechanism grown not to understand itself but to survive.
The calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
The cat has too much spirit to have no heart. - Ernest Menaul
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
The computer is the ultimate polluter: its feces are indistinguishable from the food it produces.
The concept seems to be clear by now. It has been defined several times by example of what it is not.
The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.
The days of the digital watch are numbered.
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The difference between an "Oooooh" and an "Aaaaaaaah" is about four inches.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
The difference between snowman and snowwomen is snow balls.
The differences between theory and practice are greater in practice than they are in theory.
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese!
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
THe eVil bUnnY liT all tHe othEr aNimaLs oN fiRe.
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.
The future is much like the present but considerably longer.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.
The light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash.
The light went out, but where to?
The longer the title, the less important the job.
The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away.
The male is a domestic animal that can be trained to do most things.
The marines and I have something in common; we're both looking for a few good men!
The meek shall inherit the earth...if that's OK with you.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.
The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence Oz."
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
The one piece of data you're absolutely sure is correct, isn't.
The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The only difference between an unclear war and a nuclear war is the way you use the UN.
The only dope worth shooting is Nixon.
The only race worth winning is the human race.
The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
The only way to get over someone is to get under someone.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The other line always moves faster... until you get in it.
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The people who say they would rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy usually do.
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
The person who pays for the pizza gets the toppings that fall off in the box.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
The problem with America today is that too many people know too much about not enough.
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
The problem with patting yourself on the back is that your hands aren't free to break your fall.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The proctologist called, they found your head.
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
The pyramid-and-eye becomes our birth sign and death itself shall die.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of lore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The reason the government thinks you're just a number is because it's just a machine.
The reason why life is so uncertain is because it was poorly named. Half of the word "life" is "if."
The REVERSE function works on the opposite SEXPR.
The Schizophrenic: an unauthorized autobiography
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.
The soon I fall behind the more time I have to catch up.
The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
The subliminal message for today is.
The survival of the fittest is going to make some guy awful lonesome some day.
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
The trouble with life is that you are halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
The ultimate Jewish dilemma.... free pork.
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The wise never marry, and when they marry, they become otherwise.
The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means, "the king is dead".
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
The word today is Legs ... Spread the word.
The worst Chinese fortune I ever got was the one that said, "That wasn't chicken."
The worst thing about censorship is __________.
Them that has gets, then gets away with it.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. - Anonymous
There are only 10 types of people,them who understand binary and them who don't.
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. -Anonymous
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, but... make *new* ones.
There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, "Aaaaaahhh!!!"
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot
There's no future in time travel.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
These days govt. is a four letter word.
They invented a new breakfast food called queeroos. When you add milk they eat themselves.
They make you think smoking marihuana makes you paranoid.
They talk of my drinking but never of my thirst.
Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
Things are more like they use to be than they are now.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Things You'll Never See On The Office Inspirational Posters: You pretend to work and we'll pretend to pay you.
THINK! or THWIM!
This is "Be kind to Animals" week. Take your boss' wife out to dinner.
This is as bad as it can get -- but don't bet on it.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
This [send money] is a [send money] subliminal [send money] message.
Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
Those who leave space in their lives allow themselves room to move.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. - Anonymous
Three terms for Clinton: the third in jail
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Time spent with cats is never wasted. - Colette
Time wounds all heels.
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human; to admit it is not.
To error is human, but to forgive is Canine.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
To make egg roll, push it.
To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and Incommode You".
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support Group
Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Topologists are just plane folks.
Tourist to New Yorker: "Pardon me, sir, do you know what time it is, or should I just go fuck myself?"
Truth is always the enemy of power. And power the enemy of truth.
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Two gay guys bought a bar and renamed it Boys Are Us.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
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